How am i doing so far in my story?

The story sounds good, but the sentence structure becomes monotonous. If you look, you will notice there are about 5 or more sentences that start with Talos did this, Talos did that. And almost every sentence is written with quotation marks. Rather than just writing what they say, you could try describing it to make the story sound a bit more interesting and to add more detail at the same time. Describe surroundings, facial expressions, feelings etc. Good luck.